I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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