you would pick up someone in the library
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
