We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
