I just cut my nipple shaving
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
did i just pee glitter
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
