if you like me you must not know who I am
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
