Small penises have feelings too.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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