Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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