I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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