Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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