Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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