Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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