there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
