we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
