does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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