Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
