Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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