You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
