ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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