I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
