I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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