Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
