I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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