I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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