even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
