So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
