My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
