Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
