I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
