Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
