at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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