Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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