stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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