I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cannot find my penis.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
