Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
