today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
