just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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