I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
