And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
