Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
