Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
