I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
