I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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