you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
