chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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