I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
