Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
youre lurking in front of me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
