Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
