Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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