Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
