dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
